Draco Malfoy, The Diary of a Young Boy
by SlytherinChick86
Summary: Harry gets a hold of Malfoy's diary one night to find that Malfoy likes Harry as much as Harry likes Malfoy. But what else does he find out? Why does Malfoy 'cut' himself? What did Draco's father do to him when he was little? Please R&R! Slash!
1. entry 1 getting the diary

**_A/N_** Well hello everybody I'm back! Ok so I thought this up probably about a week ago. I sat in bed trying to fall asleep for like an hour and a half last night with the same scene replaying over and over in my mind while a thirty second bit of a song that inspires me to write this played in my head, just an FYI. Wow, that was a run on sentence, whoopsies. Ok this is HarryXDraco, which means its slash, which means they like each other, which means they like like each other. Don't like it then hit the back button because if you flame me for having slash then why are you even searching in that category. Anywho the rating may go up in later chapters but I'm not sure yet. Well enough blabbing, don't want to get in trouble! To the fic!

**_Disclaimer:_** Oh yes I own Harry Potter, and little green pigs secretly live under the earth and kidnap humans to roast at their parties and stick kumquats in their mouths like we do to pigs at luouts (don't know how that is spelled)  
  
"Harry Potter? Harry Potter? Harry Potter must wake up it is after midnight."  
The boy called Harry Potter awoke after being poked several times in his right arm to see a small creature with large eyes and a pointed nose staring back at him.  
"Dobby? What are you doing in my dorm in the middle of the night?"  
"Dobby is in the common room along with Harry Potter. Dobby decided to wake Harry Potter so he could go up to his dorm."  
Harry suddenly realized that he was in fact in the Gryffindor common room, sitting by the fire, with an open book in front of him. He figured he must have fallen asleep reading it, of course it wasn't very hard to fall asleep reading about the fifty-seven laws the Minister of Magic had passed in 1472. They were after all each five pages long. "Oh, sorry Dobby. Thanks for waking me up. I'd better go up to my dorm. Night Dobby" said Harry as he closed the book and began to walk up the stairs to his dorm.  
"Wait Harry Potter! Dobby has something for you" the small creature said as he pulled out something that looked like a diary from his orange and purple striped shirt. "Dobby brought it as a gift for Harry Potter. Dobby thought it would help Harry Potter."   
Harry winced the last time Dobby had tried to "help" him he had ended up with all the bones missing is his right arm. "Help with what Dobby?" asked a curious Harry. Did he need any help? The only thing he needed help on was his potions essay but he doubted a diary would help him with that.   
"Help Harry Potter with his love life" said Dobby. "What do you mean help me with my love life? And where did you get that diary?"   
"Dobby knows the one person that Harry Potter likes and has brought you his diary!" said the beaming house elf.   
Harry gasped. Did he really know? Only his friends knew who he really liked and Ron had gotten mad at him for it. How in the world did Dobby find out? Unless, Hermoine must have told him! She's been trying to get me to talk to him without shouting ever since she found out. "How do you know who I like?" asked a curious Harry.   
"Harry Potter's friend Hermoine told Dobby."   
Harry made a mental note to kick Hermoine later.   
"Hermoine told Dobby that Harry Potter liked Draco Malfoy so Dobby has brought you his diary to look at!" said the still beaming house elf.   
Harry gave a small wince; there was no telling how many people Dobby had told or how he had even gotten the diary. What if he had told Malfoy and then Malfoy thinking it would be a hilarious joke gave Dobby a fake diary, and was now laughing with all his friends about how the Boy Who Lived had a crush on him. Oh yes he was going to kick Hermoine very hard the next time he saw her.  
  
Harry Potter sat in his favorite chair in the common room with Draco Malfoy's diary in his hand. The diary had been given to him by Dobby the house elf who had now left to go and clean the dungeons. This left Harry alone in the common room, at three o'clock in the morning, with Draco Malfoy's diary.  
When he asked Dobby how he had obtained the diary, Dobby said he had stolen it from Malfoy's room. When he asked if he had told anyone else about his crush on Malfoy Dobby said he hadn't told a soul and Harry decided to trust him.   
Harry looked down at the solid black diary in his hands wondering if he should really open it. True he was dying to know if there was anything about him in it, anything other than "Stupid Scar face" that is. But he didn't want to invade Malfoy's privacy; he had gotten into enough fights with Malfoy as it is. He didn't want him getting mad at him for reading his diary. Not only did he not want to get into another fight with Malfoy but also he didn't want to get into another fight with Ron, who was already mad at him. If Ron saw the diary he would think it was some exchange diary he had going on with Malfoy, and would start yelling at him asking how he could dump him for that git.  
  
Flashback  
  
Harry and Ron sat hand in hand by the fire of the Gryffindor common room. Harry had told Ron to meet him in the common room after everybody had left, because he had something important he wished to tell Ron. The two boys sat in complete silence, one wishing that he could stay like this forever with his boyfriend, as he was leaning on said boyfriend's shoulder. The other trying to figure out the best way to phrase what he was about to say to the boy leaning on his shoulder.   
Harry cleared his throat causing Ron to look up at him. "Er, Ron there is something I want to tell you," said a nervous Harry.   
"Sure mate, go right ahead," replied Ron.   
"Er, well, you remember when we got together over the summer?" asked a still nervous Harry.   
"Yeah, what about it?" replied Ron as he sat up and turned around to face Harry.   
"Well you remember how we said it would just be a summer thing? How we would break it off when we got back to school?"   
"Yeah, but it seemed like you didn't want to break this off once we got back to school, and neither did I" said the now suspicious Ron.   
"Well I think that it is time that we broke this off," said a really nervous Harry. "It's just that this relationship is putting a lot of stress on me, and I think it's best if we ended right now" said Harry. Even though the relationship wasn't really putting any stress on Harry, he just said that so Ron wouldn't know that he was dumping him because he liked someone else, and it didn't help matters that the someone else was Ron's mortal enemy.   
"But I haven't seen you stressed out at all lately" said Ron, who was now sitting up as though he had a board taped to his back.   
"Well uh ..."   
"It's someone else isn't it? You like someone else, I just know it so you might as well tell me who!" Ron said firmly.   
Harry knew that he was trapped and he couldn't see anyway out of the predicament he was in, so he decided to just tell the truth. "Er, Draco Malfoy" Harry said quickly.  
Ron just looked Harry straight in the eyes and could tell that he wasn't lying. At first he just looked shocked, then hurt, then Harry saw anger began to fester in Ron's eyes. He braced himself for the worst.   
"WHAT?! YOUR DUMPING ME FOR THAT GIT?! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HARRY! NO YOUR NOT DUMPING ME I'M DUMPING YOU!!" shouted a furious Ron. With that said Ron stormed up to the dorm leaving Harry alone by the fire.  
  
Flashback End (that's so fun to say!)  
  
Yes Ron hadn't taken the news to well and he still wasn't talking to Harry. Ron had found a new boyfriend the next morning, Seamus Finnigan, Harry never saw that one coming. Surprisingly the two of them were still together after two months.   
When Hermoine found out she just said, "Well its about time. You've been goggling over him ever since term began, don't think I haven't noticed. Every time he speaks you get all excited, even when he insults you. Then every time he looks at you, you blush. So have you talked to him yet?" asked Hermoine.   
Harry looked confused. He had expected her to be as upset with her as Ron had been, and did he really do all the things she said he did?   
Ever since that day Hermoine has been trying to get Harry to have a civilized conversation with Malfoy. Even though Harry liked Malfoy he still wanted to beat the snot out of him every time he insulted Harry.   
Harry sighed and looked back down at the diary he held in his hands. He figured he had already made Ron mad at him and he would never hear the end of it from Hermoine if he didn't talk to Malfoy soon (it was there last year at Hogwarts after all.) Besides after he read it he could just tell Dobby to go and put it back and Malfoy would just figure he had misplaced the diary (if noticed it was gone.) With that decided Harry unclipped the gold lock and opened it up and began turning the pages searching for the latest entry.  
  
**_A/N_** Ok so I know it was short and I left a little cliffy, but you forgive me right? Allrighty well I am going to start typing the second chapter as soon as I finish with this A/N and I promise Harry will finally read some of the entries in the diary. We will also hear a little bit from Draco next chapter. Sorry if I had any spelling/gramatical errors, I'm only human. If my indentations were off its because document manager is clumping all of my story into one HUGE paragraph. Help anyone? Oh also (just to be on the safe side) I do not own Anne Frank I just borrowed the title of her diary and twisted it a little because I thought it sounded cool. Well please review because if you don't I don't update for quite awhile and it hurts my feelings ;.;


	2. entry 2 reading the diary

**_A/N_** sitting at computer screen singing along to a Beach Boys song Oh sorry about that. Well here is the second chapter to the all of two people who have reviewed my story (thank you's at end of chapter) So I changed the rating from PG-13 to R because we are going to have abuse from this point on in the story and later on other things. Oh, I only hinted at this earlier but this is their 7th year at Hogwarts and it is also around the middle of November, so ya know. I would like to dedicate this chapter to tknp-gal4 and squiddie03 because they were my first reviewers and I loved their reviews! Well I have nothing else to say so onto the fic!

**_Disclaimer:_** Me: (reading off of cue card) J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter not me. There ya happy now Mr. Police officer?

Police Officer: Yes miss you may go now as long as you promise not to try and steal Harry Potter again and call it your own.

Me: grumbling Yes sir.  
  
**_Recap:_** In our last chapter: Harry had gotten Draco Malfoy's diary from Dobby the house elf and has now decided to open it and read it to see if Draco likes Harry as much as Harry likes him. But what else will he find out? And now to the fic!  
  
**_Draco Malfoy, The Diary of A Young Boy, Entry 2_**  
  
Draco Malfoy flopped down onto his bed in his private dormitory and began staring up at the ceiling. 'Why does life have to be so damn confusing?' thought the blond haired, gray-eyed teenager. 'Why, why can't everybody just leave me the hell alone? Why does every one have to pre- judge me just because I'm that gits son? I'm not some cocky bastard like he is. At least I'm not anymore; I've really tried being nice lately' thought the blond. 'Now that no one is around to tell me I can't be nice to anyone outside of Slytherin, and if I am they'll come over here and kick my ass to the next century. No one seems to believe me when I say I am trying to be nice though.' Draco Malfoy sighed, 'Oh well, maybe after some pain I'll feel a little better.' The blond stood up and pulled out his wand and pointed it directly at his chest and whispered, "Crucio."

At once he felt a searing pain all over his body, it felt like thousands of red-hot pokers were being pushed against his bare skin. The teenager dropped his wand and collapsed onto his bed, he felt like screaming but afraid somebody would hear he bit his lip to quiet himself. A few seconds later he fell off his bed and onto the cold stone floor clutching himself and drenched with sweat, and had a thin line of blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. It was over. He just smiled, held himself tighter, and began chuckling to himself, "Well I feel a little bit better" he said quietly, even though he knew he was lying. 

&%&

Harry undid the solid gold lock and began flipping through the parchment like pages searching for the latest entry.

_November 11th,_

'This was made two days ago' thought Harry.

_ Nothing new today really, I got into a fight with some Ravenclaws at lunch because they said I purposely knocked them into the wall. All they did was bump shoulders with me and then they went and threw themselves into the damn wall and tried blaming it on me! Pansy tried hitting on me yet again and keeps insisting she's my girlfriend and we should sleep together! Talk about sick and wrong! I am still doing my nightly sessions of pain._

'Sessions of pain?' thought Harry.

_That's like the one good thing that git for a father did for me, making my wand untraceable by the Ministry. I don't want anyone to find out I perform the Cruciatous Curse on myself nightly. I know it is wrong and I should ask for help, but I like the intense pain. It gives me a sense of control in my life and it helps get rid of my anger. When my world seems to just be going downhill all I have to do is whisper one simple word and it all seems to go away. It's a wonderful feeling, knowing that this is the one thing in my life I have control over and nobody can take it away from me. Call it an ecstasy. I don't have control over what my name is, who my father is, or what everybody else thinks I am, but this... this is something I can control. It is painful yes, sometimes I feel like tearing away my own skin but I love it!_ _  
  
_ "Oh my God!" Harry gasped.

_The second thing I appreciate that 'dear old pops' did for me before he got carted off to Azkaban was performing that curse on me every chance he got. Yeah sometimes it was too give me practice so I could perform it with ease when I was initiated as a Death Eater. Most times it was just cause he felt like it and said I needed a reminder of where my loyalty stood. Don't know how he found out I didn't support his boss but when he found out he... even in this diary I'm afraid to say even though this is for my eyes only._

Harry gulped.

_Said if I didn't pledge my allegiance to You-Know-Who and bring Harry to him he'd kill me. What else could I do but continue to put on my muggle born, good side, Harry Potter hating mask and continue to be hated by the wizarding society. He's much more powerful then me, he'd kill me for sure! I really don't hate muggle borns, or the good side, or Harry Potter. Especially not Harry, I like him, a lot. Fuck! Pansy is knocking at my door again, probably trying to get me to sleep with her again. Once again that is just wrong! I'll try and write again soon._

_  
_ Harry Potter closed the diary and began staring at it with his mouth hanging down. He had no idea that Draco did that to himself, or that he didn't hate the good side, or that Draco did that to himself, or that he didn't support Voldemort, or Draco did that to himself, or that he didn't like Pansy at all and thought that he, Harry was alright.

While Harry was still lost in thought he heard the portal open, he gasped and shoved the diary under his robes and closed his eyes attempting to fake that he was sleeping. All of a sudden he felt once again someone poking him in the shoulder. He turned around and saw those big glass like eyes that belonged to Dobby the house-elf.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and turned to talk to Dobby, "Don't scare me like that Dobby."

"Dobby is sorry for scaring Harry Potter, but Dobby was wondering if Harry Potter was done reading Draco Malfoy's diary so Dobby could take it back," said the pathetic looking house-elf.

"It's ok Dobby, and yeah I'm done with it so you can take it back. Here," said Harry and handed the diary back to Dobby. "Thanks for bringing it by."

"Dobby can bring you Draco Malfoy's diary more often if Harry Potter wants Dobby to."

Harry sat back down into his favorite chair and thought for a moment. True it was a complete violation of Malfoy's privacy, but on the other hand Harry wanted to continue to monitor Draco's little problem afraid that he might try something drastic. That and he wanted to find out just how much Draco 'liked him.' "Uh, yeah. If its not too much trouble for you Dobby."

"It is no problem at all for Dobby Harry Potter!" said the excited little house-elf. It seemed he was happy because he believed he had helped Harry Potter with his love life, as was the entire reason Dobby had given Harry the diary.

"Uh, Ok should I just wait for you tomorrow night then?" asked the seemingly excited Harry Potter.

"Yes, Dobby will be back again tomorrow night with Draco Malfoy's diary!" said the now ecstatic elf.

"Ok, well I had better go upstairs to bed," just realizing how late it truly was (4 o'clock in the morning to be exact) "Night Dobby" said Harry as he began climbing the stairs to his dormitory.

"Good night Harry Potter!" said the small elf and with a 'poof' he was gone.

Harry quietly opened the door to his dorm and slipped inside. He tiptoed past Dean, Seamus, Neville, and Ron's four-poster beds and slid under the covers of his own without bothering to even undress.

He took his glasses off and set them on his nightstand. He then turned to face the ceiling and began reflecting about what he had just read. All he wanted to find out was if Malfoy even liked him but not only had he found out he didn't hate Harry at all, but he also found out that Malfoy was, in a sense 'cutting' himself. He found out that Malfoy was abused as a child and was a tool to bring him, Harry, to Voldemort when Malfoy didn't even support Voldemort! He felt a stab of guilt upon remembering the line '...even in this diary I'm afraid to say even though this is for my eyes only.' Not only because he was reading something very personal and private to another human being, but he also wondered what it was Lucius Malfoy had done to his son that was so horrible. He sighed and pulled the covers up closer to him and closed his eyes. He would just have to continue monitoring Malfoy and remember to tell off anybody giving him a hard time in the hallways and at meals.

**_A/N_** Well the second chapter is finished! balloons and confetti come down from the ceiling as a victory dance is done around the computer I have only written one-shots so for me having a chapter two is a big deal! That and I finally finished said chapter. I know the ending kinda sucked but I have been having somewhat of a writer's block so it was the best I can do. Don't hurt me! . Grammatical errors? I'm only human! So Draco is performing the Cruciatous Curse on himself, yeah I know it is a common theme to have either Draco or Harry cutting themselves but I needed it and I gave it a little spin. I probably won't start working on the third chapter by Sunday and or Monday, so sorry! Whoops to much talking don't want to get in trouble! Time for thank yous! Seriously you two made my day with your reviews! hands out cookies Thanx!

**_tknp-gal4_** Yes this story is a bit ridiculous but I am a bit of a ridiculous person! But I am glad you reviewed it anyway! Thanx so much for putting me on your fav.'s list it made me feel so special! That and you were the first person to review my story! Here's your update!

**_squiddie03_** Thanx so much for reviewing my story! Sorry it wasn't a quick update but I had writer's block. So sorry about that! Here's your update!

To tknp-gal4 and squiddie03 thanx for reviewing! Feel free to review this chapter as well. To all the rest of you please review! If you don't I don't update for like ever! That and it hurts my feelings T-T


	3. entry 3 It will all be over soon

A/N Well hello to all of you out there reading this story! I would like to forewarn you guys, this chapter sucks! This is one of those I need to get from here to there chapters, I know it is really short and I sorry for that I am off to type chapter 4 after I post this, and it will be longer! Please don't click away! The story gets better I promise! JUST DON'T LEAVE ME!!!! Now, onward to the fic!  
  
Disclaimer I hear if you wish upon an exploding giant firework your wish comes true! Firework of red and blue sparks I wish I owned Harry Potter and all of its characters! Oh wait, that's stars. Whoopsie!  
  
"Mr. Potter! Do you think it is funny to sleep in my class? MR. POTTER!" Harry Potter's eyes snapped open, and realizing he had been sleeping during class and currently had an extremely pissed off teacher glaring at him, shot straight up into his seat. Unfortunately his head came crashing into said pissed off teacher's chin, causing him to fall backwards and hit his head on the seats in front of Harry. This caused a very large red bump to appear on the now unbelievably pissed off teacher. It was also very unfortunate for Harry Potter that this teacher happened to be Professor Snape.  
  
As Snape stood up and made his way towards Harry, Harry stared at him with the look of utmost fear on his face. When the greasy haired teacher was standing directly in front of Harry, staring down at him with a murderous flame burning in his eyes. The kind of look that made Harry think he was about to pull out his wand and curse him back into the dawn of time. He spoke in a voice shaking with rage, "A week's worth of detention for you Mr. Potter, I expect you here tonight at eight o'clock sharp!" barked Snape.  
  
"Yes sir!" said a trembling Harry.  
  
At that moment the bell rang and Harry grabbed his things and made a mad dash for the door.  
  
&%&  
  
Harry sat alone at the far end of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. He always ate alone nowadays, Hermoine was always up in the library studying for her NEWT's at every meal, and Ron still hadn't spoken a single word to Harry since he dumped him three months ago.  
  
Harry sat eating his chicken potpie and staring out into space, as he thought about all that had happened in the past month. He had still been secretly reading Malfoy's diary and had found out quite a lot about him that he doubted even Malfoy's closest friends knew. He found out that Malfoy had been 'cutting' himself before he had even gotten to Hogwarts, he found out that Malfoy's father had beaten both him and his wife on numerous occasions, Malfoy wasn't in the least bit sad when his father was carted away to Azkaban because Voldemort had finally fallen at last. Then last night Harry found out that Draco Malfoy, his archenemy from day one at Hogwarts, the boy who had tormented him so much over the last six years, had been in love with him since his third year.  
  
Harry smiled as he thought about it. True he also loved the blond, arrogant, bastard but only his closest friends knew that.  
  
He just sighed as he thought about his argument with former boyfriend Ronald Weasley, he really didn't want to tick Ron off when he told him he had a crush on Malfoy, and he was sad when Ron didn't talk to him the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, and so on. He had really liked Ron but the relationship was 'I just need someone right now' more than it was actual love. He had killed Voldemort at the end of his sixth year and he just felt like he needed someone to listen to his problems and comfort him. He wasn't looking for a long time relationship. Unfortunately Ron hadn't seen it that way and was extremely hurt when Harry dumped him.  
  
Harry suddenly realized that it was 7:55 and he had five minutes to get down to Snape's classroom for his detention. Making a mental note to talk to Ron later about why he had left him he jammed the last of his pie into his mouth, grabbed his book, and began sprinting out of the Great Hall as though a rabid Hippogriff was chasing him.  
  
&%&  
  
Snape heard a loud thud at his door and an even louder "Ow!" and puzzled went to open it to see what had caused the noise. When he swung open the door he heard an "oof!" coming from behind the door. Seconds later Harry Potter appeared from behind the door holding his head as though it was in pain.  
  
&Seconds before&  
  
Harry ran straight for Snape's door panting "Gotta make it in time!" to himself. He looked down at his watch 7:59, "One minute gotta make it!" Unfortunately while looking down at his watch he wasn't watching where he was going and had a head on collision with the door.  
  
His books flew out of his hands as he fell backwards onto the cold stone floor of the dungeon hallway with a loud "Ow!" Looking at his watch it read 8:00 "Crap gotta get inside the door!" He gathered his books and began walking towards the door when suddenly it swung open and he was caught behind it and pushed backwards onto the stonewall.  
  
&Back to present time&  
  
"Well, well Mr. Potter I assume to ran straight into my door," said a smirking Snape.  
  
"Yes sir" replied a very painful feeling Harry.  
  
"Well we can only hope it doesn't leave you with a scar. Now get in!" said Snape.  
  
Harry Potter rushed inside the classroom followed by Snape who shut the door with a loud 'BANG!'  
  
"Sit!" snapped Snape from behind him. "Tonight you will clean out the backroom where all of the extra ingredients are stored and then you will clean all of the tables. I have business elsewhere in the castle so against my better judgment Potter you will be here by yourself. You are not permitted to leave this room until you have finished cleaning, I shall be placing a charm on the door so it will not let you out until you have completed your assigned task," and with that Snape left the room with a snap of his billowing black robes.  
  
Harry gave a small smile; Snape wasn't going to be there to torment him throughout his detention! If that wasn't a plus to the detention he didn't know what was! Besides he had plenty of experience cleaning things, he had to do all the household chores in the Dursely's house since he was five! He looked around and saw a rag and bottle of cleaning fluid on Snape's desk, he grabbed it and headed towards the back room deciding he was going to make it sparkle.  
  
&%&  
  
Harry finally completed the night's detention around midnight, he had a hard time cleaning one of the tables seeing as how essence of stink sap had merged itself with the table and had taken a good hour and a half worth of scurubbing to get it off. He turned the corridor that lead him out of the dungeons and into the main hallway. Just as he was about to begin his ascent up the stairs and towards the Gryffindor Common Room he was pulled backwards by someone and, for the second time that night, fell backwards onto the floor.  
  
He let out a groan and looked up to see who had pulled him and saw Dobby the house elf staring at him looking very upset. "Dobby why did you just do that and what is the matter!"  
  
"Dobby is sorry but Dobby has something very urgent to tell Harry Potter! Dobby just saw Draco Malfoy rush out of his common room with a knife and muttering something about how it would all be over soon! Dobby felt Harry Potter should know and Dobby is scared for Draco Malfoy!"  
  
All of the color drained out of Harry's face at this statement, and jumped up and knocked the house elf onto the floor. He began running faster than he had earlier that night, faster than he ever had before. He ran down into the dungeons and began heading towards what he vaguely remembered being the way to the Slytherin Common Room, figuring he could attempt to track Malfoy down from there. He turned down into a corridor that looked somewhat familiar but he didn't remember exactly, he turned down another corridor to face the same problem. Figuring that he wouldn't have enough time to find the Slytherin Common Room, he just ran down the hall and began opening all of the doors along his way. He prayed to God that he would make it before the man he loved did something to drastic.  
  
A/N: Damn fireworks! Shut the fk up I'm trying to write in here! God I hate giant fireworks! There cool to look at but at midnight while you are trying to write a fanfic they can get a bit annoying and give you a mondo headache! But oh well, they are gone know! Well the third chapter is done and let me tell you did I have a hard time writing it! So it will all be over soon for Draco eh? I know it is an evil place to end a chapter but I pretty much have the next chapter planned out so I will start typing it tomorrow morning and it will probably be up the following day. Time for thank you's!  
  
squiddie03: Thanx so much I love your reviews! I liked the last chapter a lot better too much darker! Mwhahahaha! Anyway I forgot to thank you last time, thanx for putting me on your fav.'s list it made me feel so special! Thanx for reviewing!   
  
mishaymee: Yes this story is ridiculous but as I have said before I am a ridiculous person! Thanx for reviewing!   
  
wildchild22: Your review made me crack up! Sorry it took so long to update but once again writer's block! Thanx for reviewing!   
  
december jewel(): Loved your review and I hope you continue reading this story till the end! Thanx for reviewing!   
  
SilverDragon161: I feel sorry for Draco to, but it had to be done for the story. Sorry took so long to update! Thanx for reviewing!   
  
Kirei Gabrielle: Thanx for saying you liked my story, it made me feel special! Thanx for reviewing!   
  
mark anthony: OMG! Your review made me crack up! I loved it! For the sake of all that is harry potter-ey! I love it! Thanx so much for putting me on your fav.'s list it makes me feel special! Thanx for reviewing!   
  
BioHazrdusMatrial3: Ok how can it seem like I do care about my story because I do! I really do! Tell me I need to know! Thanx for reviewing!   
  
Thanx again to those who reviewed and to everybody else out there review! If you don't I don't update for like ever! Thanx in advanced! Oh also I have found a fic to keep you all occupied until my next update, "Secrets of the Forbidden Broomcloset" it is in my fav.'s list. You guys have to read it! It is the single funniest thing I have ever read!  



	4. entry 4 I'll never leave you

A/N: Well here is another weird chapter to my even weirder fic. In the beginning it bounces back and forth between Harry and Draco but don't worry you'll know who is who. Also I am SO!!!!!! Happy to finally be getting this posted. I've had this ready for like two days now and I couldn't post it because of the problems ff.net was experiencing. Well nothing else to say so on to the fic!  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter Harry and Draco would have gotten together by now! Also to be on the safe side I do not own Linkin Park either because I use something I saw off of their "Breaking the Habit" video. Once again this is just to be on the safe side.  
  
Warning: This chapter contains slash (boyXboy), suicidal themes, and mentions of abuse. If any of these make you feel uncomfortable I suggest you leave. If you flame me for any of these things, hey I warned ya!  
  
%%%%%%%  
  
'I want it all to end, I don't want to be here anymore, I don't want to live anymore, I just want to die. Nobody loves me, nobody ever has and nobody ever will. He was right I am nothing and I do deserve to die. I thought that if I kept performing the Cruciatous Curse on myself all of the pain would disappear, but it didn't. So tonight it is all going to end, I'm going to break that habit and just slip away. Besides nobody will even miss me, nobody will even care that I'm gone.'  
  
&%&  
  
Harry raced through the dungeon corridors; opening every door he came to, praying to God that he didn't arrive to late to save him.  
  
He turned the corner to see two doors at the end of the hallway; he raced down to them and opened them. The first one he found a broom closet, and the second he found cleaning fluids. 'Dammit! Where could he be?' Harry thought to himself. He turned around and began sprinting off to find more doors.  
  
&%&  
  
'I tried finding love but I failed miserably. He never loved me; he despised me and beat me screaming at me that I am a disgrace to the family name. She never loved even though she has suffered along with me. Nobody ever loved me and nobody ever will.'  
  
&%&  
  
Harry continued his search for Draco Malfoy opening every door he passed by, turning every corridor he came to, and cursing loudly when he opened the door to find any thing other than Draco Malfoy. 'God where are you Draco, please don't do anything you will regret, just wait until I get there. Just wait for me.'  
  
&%&  
  
'He always told me I am nothing. She always told me I am nothing. Everybody has always told me I am nothing. I am nothing, I am nothing. I am nothing and I always will be.'  
  
&%&  
  
Harry turned down what had to be the one hundredth hallway that night, he saw at the end a single door. Making a mad dash for the door, praying to God he wouldn't open it to see something horrible inside, he arrived and opened the door. He was relived to open it and see Draco Malfoy standing inside, but when he saw Draco and saw what was on the walls, the color (if any) that remained in his face drained, his eyes widened in shock, and he thought he was going to be sick.  
  
Standing in the middle of the room holding a bloody knife was Draco Malfoy. He had cuts all over his body and blood running down his arms and legs. Harry could also see blood matted in his blond hair and saw blood running down his face as well. Harry also noticed that he was crying and with the blood mixing with his tears it looked as though he was shedding tears of blood. Written on the wall behind him in what Harry realized was Draco's blood were the words, "I Am Nothing." Harry just looked from the wall to Draco and then back to the wall.  
  
Draco looked shocked when he entered the room, as he hadn't expected anyone to find him. "How the hell did you find me Potter?" asked the puzzled Draco.  
  
"Dobby the house elf told me. Oh my god Draco, why are you doing this to yourself?" asked Harry in a shaking voice.  
  
"Why? Why you ask? Because I want out of here! Here where I am hated, where I am beaten, nobody wants me here and I don't want to be here either!" said Draco as he began to cry harder.  
  
Harry took a step towards Draco, "That's not true, nobody hates you and nobody wants you to leave" Harry said as an attempt to try and calm Draco down.  
  
"Yes they do! The entire fucking wizarding world wants to see me burn in hell!" Draco said backing away from the advancing Harry.  
  
"Please don't do this Draco just calm down and we'll talk about this" Harry said as he began raising his hands and kept moving towards Draco.  
  
"No! Stay away or I'll do it!" Draco screamed holding the knife to his throat.  
  
Harry immediately stopped dead in his tracks. "Don't do it, please Draco!" said Harry in a panicked voice.  
  
"Shut up! You don't know what its like for me! Having been beaten every time you go home! Having your father scream at you what a disgrace you are to the family and how he wishes you were dead! You have it easy! Harry Potter The-Boy-Who-Lived, always getting what ever he wants! Always having tons of people love and admire you! Never having to deal with real pain like the rest of us!" screamed Draco.  
  
"Never having to deal with real pain? What do you think my entire life has been! Ever since I was a baby I've had to deal with real pain!" Harry yelled, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.  
  
"Oh boo hoo! You've had to live without parents you don't even remember! Boo hoo you had to defeat Voldemort! So what you'll never know what I've gone through because of you!" yelled Draco, still holding the knife to his throat.  
  
"Did you ever once stop to think what kind of an impact that entire ordeal had on me! Countless of innocent people are dead because of me! Because they loved and admired me so much they went and threw their lives away just to save me! Molly Weasley died to save me! Bill, Charlie, Fred, and George died to save me! Cedric Diggory died because of me! All because I told him to take the cup with me so we would both win the Triwizard Tournament! My Godfather died because I made a stupid mistake! Do have any idea what it is like to carry that kind of weight on your shoulders?" yelled Harry in a choking voice as tears began screaming down his face. "I'm sorry that you have been abused all of your life but your not the only one who has had to deal with pain!"  
  
Draco Malfoy lowered his knife at these words.  
  
"Do you know how many times I tried killing myself? I must have tried over fifty times but I never went through with it because I knew it would be an insult to their memories if I did. They would have died for nothing." Harry began walking towards Draco, "Please don't do it I couldn't stand it if someone else I cared about left me."  
  
Draco backed up until he felt his back hit the wall, "You're lying! You don't care about me! Nobody does!"  
  
Harry stepped up so that he was right in front of Draco. Close enough that Draco could see the tears pouring out those emerald pools. Close enough that Harry could see all of the pain in those gray silvery orbs. Close enough so they could both feel each other's breath on their skin. "Draco I care about you more than you could ever imagine" and with these words Harry leaned forward planting his lips on Draco's.  
  
Draco dropped his knife as his eyes widened in shock. Harry pulled away and looked into Draco's eyes to see confusion in them. He then wrapped his arms around the other boy's waist and began to cry into his chest. "Please don't leave me Draco, I don't know what I would do without you! I love you!"  
  
With these words all of the urge to kill himself began to leave Draco's body, all he felt like doing was crying. Crying until he couldn't cry anymore. He looked into Harry's emerald green eyes and seeing all the love in them put his head on Harry's shoulder, and began to cry into his lover's arms.  
  
Harry sank down to the floor still holding the crying Draco in his arms. He put a comforting arm around Draco and tried to calm him down. "Shh, It's ok. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for you always, I'll stay by your side until the day I die."  
  
Draco looked up and Harry, red eyed and puffy he professed his love for the savior of the wizarding world, "I love you too, and I'm sorry Harry. I'm sorry for what I said to you, and I'm..."  
  
Harry had placed his soft pink lips over Draco's once again to quiet the boy. Draco closed his eyes and began melting into the kiss. Draco began returning the kiss and could feel the other boy's needy tongue trying to gain entrance, Draco granted it. He loved the feeling of Harry's tongue exploring every crevice of his mouth and was sad when he had to break the kiss for air. "It's ok, I forgive you. I know what its like to say things you don't mean." Harry pulled Draco closer to his own body, "I'll help heal the all the pain you've had to go through. I don't ever want to see you cry again Draco."  
  
Draco smiled up at Harry and put his head back down on Harry's shoulder. For the first time in Draco's entire life he was truly happy at the moment and he felt a little bit of the pain inside him disappear as he clung to the body of the man he loved.  
  
%%%%%%%  
  
A/N: Ok, yes the ending got a little fluffy/corny but oh well. I had a different ending for this chapter but I hated it, it sucked! So I decided to type this in stead. I hope you guys like it! Forgive me for spelling/grammatical errors, I'm only human! Ok time for thank you's!  
  
December Jewel: Hey are you the same December Jewel who reviewed chapter 2? Just curious. Anyway thanx so much for your review it made me laugh! You see Draco is ok! Trust me I would never kill him, well at least not in this fic anyway. I have been considering a suicide fic with the both of them in it but that is still in the works. Anyway getting off topic once again thanx for reviewing!  
  
SilverDragon161: Thanx so much for reviewing and of course Harry was going to find Draco in time! Honestly people I'm not going to kill him off! Then where would I be? Once again thanx for reviewing!  
  
HOnEySky: Well they are happy at the end of this chapter so does that count? Of course there happiness may not last for very long! Mwhahahahahaha!  
  
Freddysgurl8904: Hey I love your name! Sorry I just had to say that! Once again I would never kill Draco! If I did that would be the end of the fic and it would kinda be a dumb ending. Well someone will die by the end but who will it be? Hmmm...  
  
AJHEETRACTOR(): Dude what is up with your name? That is so cool! I love it! Anyways thanx so much for reviewing and I shall be writing more in the future but first I'm going to finish this fic.  
  
h0n3yduk3s sweetie: Oh thanx so much for reviewing! Once again I loved your RonXHermoine fic! It kicked serious ass! I know what its like to start a fic and then never get the chance to review so don't worry about it (if you were. I don't know) Thanx so much for giving my slash fic a try. You never know what will happen when you give something a try!   
  
Alrighty well I'm off to post this. Oh I am going to be doing this from now on (I think) I will recommend a Harry Potter fic you guys might like, this chapters is "A New Darkness" by lilysunshine it is kinda weird but really good! It's in my fav.'s section. Also for RonXHermoine fans go check out h0n3yduk3s sweetie's fic "Whatever Comes" that is also in my fav.'s. Well to all those mentioned above thanx again for reviewing and to all you new people please review. If you don't then it hurts my feelings T-T, that and I don't update forever! 


	5. entry 5 an old friend returns

**_A/N:_** :hiding under computer desk: Ok so I know I haven't updated in like FOREVER! I feel so bad for not doing so! I have just been so busy lately with school and I was gone for the last month of summer! Plus I had major writer's block on this chapter! It was really bad. I finally got it done and I am giving it to you guys as a Christmas Present so Merry Christmas!

**_Disclaimer:_** Maybe JKR will give me Harry and Draco as a Christmas present! Or maybe not…

**_Recap:_** In the last segment of our story Harry found Draco in the dungeons of Hogwarts about to commit suicide. Harry then professed his love for Draco, thus giving Draco a reason to live. Draco then professed his own love for Harry, both boys are now extremely happy to at last have each other. But how long will their happiness last? Mwhahahaha!!!

Harry Potter, savior of the wizarding world, and Draco Malfoy, ice prince of Slytherin, lay next to each other hand in hand underneath a beautiful weeping willow close to the edge of the lake's water. The leaves of the willow were a mixture of golden yellow, moss green, and blood red. The branches hung downwards, shielding the two boys from the eyes of the rest of the world.

Harry stared up into the top of the tree and wished that he could stay like this forever with his lover. He turned his head so he could see his lover's face; 'He is so beautiful,' thought Harry. 'Like an angel, with his shimmering blond hair, storm-cloud eyes, his soft rosy lips…'

".. Rry? HARRY!"

"What, sorry?"

"I just was asking if you were ok, you looked pretty out of it," said a concerned Draco.

Harry chuckled, "Yeah I'm ok, just thinking about some stuff."

"Yeah?" Draco moved a bit closer to Harry, propped himself up on his elbow, and said in a seductive whisper, "Did it have anything to do with me?" trailing his index finger down Harry's cheekbone.

Harry lowered his eyes and replied in a low sexy whisper, "Maybe, why do you care?"

"Well I was just thinking if it did have to do with me, and you were also involved maybe I could make it a reality," his finger now venturing down his green eyed lover's chest.

"Are you making a pass at me 'Co?"

"What if I am? What would you say?" finger resting just above Harry's belt buckle.

Harry stopped to think. He did love Draco with all of his heart and soul, they had been together for nearly a month, and he didn't think Draco was a sex fiend. Wait! What if he was? What if he was just playing Harry? What if he didn't really love him? Oh god he didn't know what he would do if that were the case.

Seeing the look of horror on Harry's face Draco laughed. "Relax! I was just kidding! You take everything way to seriously Harry."

Harry let out a sigh of relief and gave a small chuckle. He scooted closer to Draco until he was resting right next to Draco's chest and his head was resting underneath his chin.

"You do know I would never force you to do something like that don't you Harry?" said Draco.

"Yeah I know Draco," there was an awkward silence between the two boys, "Hey, I know this is a rather personal question and you don't have to answer if you don't want to…"began Harry.

"Well what is the question?"

Harry took in a deep breath and then let it out again and asked, "Are you a virgin?"

There was a pause for a few seconds until Draco said, "Yes, yes I am a virgin Harry."

Draco sounded a little shaky but Harry decided to trust him. "Good me too," the dark haired teen replied. Wanting to change the subject, "So, uh, did you hear about the Azkaban break out that happened a few weeks ago?" Harry started. "Apparently some Death Eaters managed to slip past the Dementors. I wonder how they did it, what do you think 'Co?" Harry asked.

"Yeah I did hear about that, I'm not sure. As far as I know none of the Death Eaters in Azkaban are Animagus's so they couldn't have transformed. I really don't know how they managed to do it, they must have had outside help though," thought Draco. "Your not scared are you Harry?"

"Me scared? Psh… No way" responded Harry.

"Good." Then a look of terror struck Draco's face. "Unless… No he couldn't have. Oh God he must have…" thought Draco out loud.

"What? Who's he? What are you talking about?" asked Harry.

"My dad, he must have helped them escape from the outside. That bastard."

"But that is impossible! He was in Azkaban so there is no way he could have helped them escape from the outside."

"No, he escaped a while back. The Ministry didn't want to cover it because they were too afraid what it would do to the public. You remember he was Voldemort's right-hand man don't you?" asked Draco. Harry nodded.

"But then that would mean…"

Suddenly there was a loud crashing sound from the trees at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Both boys turned to see what it was but they couldn't tell because the branches from the weeping willow were blocking the line of sight. Then, just as abrupt as the crashing sound had been there came a high pitched laughter, much like the kind of laughter a murderer would make when he had found his prey.

Harry and Draco turned back to face each other and nodded, knowing that they had to go and see what the noise was. Carefully they treaded across the dead leaves on the ground beneath them to get to the other side of the willow. Each boy picked a different spot about two feet away from the other and peeked through the branches. What they saw made them both gasp, Harry especially.

Coming out of the forest was a man dressed in tattered robes that looked as though they hadn't been washed in years. His hair was wild and filled with dirt and grime, the color of his skin was not far off from the pure white skin of vampires, and gigantic black circles surrounded his sunken eyes. His eyes held the look of a madman out for his bloody revenge on the person who had wronged him. It was the man who had impersonated Mad-Eye Moody back in fourth year. It was Barty Crouch Jr.

'No this is impossible!' thought Harry. 'The Dementors gave him the kiss; he lost his soul three years ago! This is impossible!' Harry began breathing very heavily; he had to get back to the castle to tell someone about this. God knows what Barty Crouch Jr. would do to get his revenge on Harry and what if Draco got involved? An image of Draco lying dead on the ground flashed into Harry's mind. NO! He would rather die then see that happen! But they were trapped, how would they be able to get back to the castle without being spotted? They could sneak down to the edge of the lake and swim to the other side, no too noisy. They could just make a run for it, no it was too far, there was nothing they could do, they were trapped.

Then both boys heard a voice that made their skin crawl and their hair stand on ends. "Where is he? Where is the boy? When I find him I am going to kill him and then I'll resurrect my master. That will show him who the truly faithful servant is!"

Harry stood there trying to form a plan that would enable at least Draco to get away. Wait! Draco could make a run for it while he, Harry, stood and fought. That way Draco could run back to the castle and get help and he wouldn't get caught up in the battle. Yes, he would have to do that.

Harry tapped Draco on the shoulder and motioned for him to go to the other side of the tree. They tiptoed to the opposite side of the tree and Harry whispered in Draco's ear what his plan was. "When I give the single," he said in a low whisper, "You will make a run for the castle and get help. I'll stay and fight until you get back."

"Harry no! It is too dangerous! What if he uses the killing curse on you? I was trained to be a Death Eater when I grew up, let me fight him while you go to the castle to get help."

"No Draco, I'm the one he wants. Don't worry about me, I don't know if you remember but I did kill Voldemort last year so I think one of his Death Eaters shouldn't be too much of a problem."

"But…" started Draco.

Harry put a finger on Draco's lips to silence him, "Don't worry about me 'Co, I'll be fine. You just run to the castle and get help, grab the first teacher you see. Hell I don't even care if that teacher happens to be Snape!" Harry took his finger of Draco's lips.

"Ok. I'll run as fast as I possibly can," said Draco.

"That's all I ask," replied Harry.

Draco leaned in for a kiss and Harry willingly obliged. Both boys could feel the others warm breath against their skin as their tongues fought for domination. Harry broke the kiss and said, "Its time Draco. I'll go out first and distract him while you make a run for it. Draco nodded and Harry gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Then he made his way to the other side of the tree. Harry peeked through the branches to see Barty Crouch Jr. was still there. He drew in a deep breath and walked out from underneath the cover of the tree.

Barty Crouch Jr. upon hearing a noise to his left turned to see what it was. Seeing Harry Potter, the boy who had caused all of his torment, emerging from behind a curtain of leaves, made him smile a wicked smile. As Harry walked towards him he began to finger his wand and prepare himself for the first curse he would throw at the boy. "Well, well Potter finally decided to come out and face me like a man have you?"

"How in the fucking hell did you get your soul back from the Dementors Crouch?"

"My, my, Potter! Maybe if you mind your fucking language I'll tell you," he pointed his wand at Harry's chest, "or maybe not. _CRUCIO_!"

Harry was too slow to dodge it and it hit him square in the chest. Harry screamed and fell to the ground withering in pain.

"HARRY! NO!" came a scream from behind. Harry turned to see who it was and saw Draco standing there with a shocked expression on his face, his legs rooted to the ground. "Draco I'm fine! You go now!" screamed Harry but Draco wouldn't budge.

"Well, well isn't this interesting. Little Malfoy and Potter are friends now, how disgusting! You little son of a bitch ass traitor! I'LL KILL YOU!" Crouch began walking towards a horrified Draco.

"STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!" screamed Harry as he threw a tripping curse at Crouch. "RUN NOW DRACO! GO GET HELP!" Draco, recovering his senses, nodded and made a mad dash for the castle in the distance.

"Oh very clever Potter, you think that by doing that you saved him? Well don't worry, after I kill you I'll go and find him and make him suffer for switching sides! I hear talk from Lucius that young Malfoy isn't half bad in bed."

The last sentence hit Harry like a ton of bricks. "YOU WILL NEVER LAY YOUR FUCKING HANDS ON HIM! _Petrificus Totalus_!" Harry yelled as the curse flew straight towards Crouch, but at the last minute he cast the reflecting curse causing Harry's curse to fly back at him. Still recovering from the earlier Crucio he was too sore to dodge it (poor Harry isn't doing to well is he guys?) Harry's body stiffened up like a board and he fell to the ground.

"Now while your just laying there Potter I think I will tell you how I got my soul back. Well as you very well know when my master came back into power he gathered all manner of evil creatures to him, Dementors included. My master being the wise and intelligent man that he was figured out a way to get the Dementors to give me back my soul. You see contrary to popular belief you can recover your soul after the Dementor's Kiss; all you have to do is convince the Dementor to give it back. My master did this and I was given back my soul, and I was also given a second chance to complete my mission in bringing you to my master. But I can't do that now because you killed him!"

Harry listened to all of this in sheer horror but it only got worse.

"But I have found a way to bring him back from the grave! I am going to kill you and then I will go and steal my master's body from those fools down at the Ministry. I will then perform the same ritual he did to restore his body three years ago! He will once again call me his most faithful servant and he shall purify this world of all its filth!" he then began cackling the same horrible laugh he had laughed earlier, the ones that made the hairs on Harry's neck stand up.

The curse was rapidly wearing off and Harry figured he could surprise Crouch with a _Stupefy_ and stun him until Draco arrived back with help.

"Now Potter before I do kill you I think you deserve another dose of pain, _Crucio_!" said Crouch as he pointed his wand at Harry, but this time Harry was able to reflect it back at Crouch as he had done to him earlier. The curse hit Crouch and he began to scream, in his rage he forgot his wand and threw a punch at Harry that hit him square on the jaw. Harry stumbled backwards and tasted blood in his mouth. Recovering from the curse Crouch grabbed his wand and yelled _Avada Kedvara! _at Harry. Harry dodged it and screamed _Stupefy_! This hit Crouch in the chest and he fell down, defeated at last.

Harry then heard someone behind him; he turned to see Draco running towards him with Professor McGonagall at his heels.

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry and began checking for any signs of wounds. Harry just stood completely still and Draco, sensing this, looked up at Harry's face to see a single tear streaking down his face. "Harry why are you crying? What did he do to you?" asked a deeply concerned Draco.

Harry, reflecting on what Barty Crouch Jr. had said about how Lucius had said Draco wasn't bad in bed, had begun to cry. When Draco asked him what was wrong all he could do was cry and hug Draco. "I'm so sorry Draco, I'm so sorry."

**A/N:** OMG I FINALLY FINISHED IT!!!!!! I AM SO FUCKIN HAPPY!!!!!!!! Once again I want you all to know how bad I feel that I haven't updated since the end of June, like I said before I have been really busy and I have had **MAJOR!** writer's block writing this chapter! It seems to me that my story is beginning to lose its plot, does anyone else feel like that? If so please PLEASE! Tell me! I need to know! Sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors! Dang everyone was talking a lot in this chapter, did all of the explanation thingy's make sense? If not once again TELL ME!! I will never be a better writer if you guys don't tell me! Well it has been so long I doubt any of my lovely reviewers (whom I deeply love and I hope you guys are still there!) remember what they said so just know that I appreciated them! My recommended fic for this chapter is "Fate, Destiny, and Fatigue" in my fav.'s section. I may be late getting the next chapter out again but know that I will not abandon this fic! Please review and tell me what you think! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!!!


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